WOW. The past couple of weeks have been stressful. I am currently temporarily between homes/cities and working from home. I moved all of my stuff into storage last week and it looks like limbo is going to last for a little while. I’m trying to focus on being comfortable with this uncertainty, which is more challenging at certain times than others. Things that have helped:

• My incredibly kind and understanding boss
• Awesome friends, one of whom offered me a place to live, where I will be moving in a couple weeks
• GABA Calm, which my naturopath recommended years ago, it has been a lifesaver in anxious times ever since
• BREATHING
• Sitting for extended periods of time in legs-up-the-wall pose, which is especially relaxing when paired with listening to the BBC’s Shipping Forecast (I know that sounds weird, but it’s super relaxing, check it out)
• Green juice every day, sometimes multiple times a day
• Moon Juice Shop’s dusts, especially the Brain, Heart, and Spirit dusts (I have almost all of them and they’re all fantastic, also i have a girlcrush on Amanda Chantal Bacon)
• Cutting back on coffee and only drinking a little alcohol, neither of those things happened on purpose, they just kind of happened when i upped my intake of green juice and smoothies with moon dusts in them and started practicing more yoga
• Soul Purpose flower remedy from Alexis Smart

There are a few things I still need to do, like buy a car and figure out the job situation in the long-term (I can’t work remotely forever), but I feel like I have a better handle on things now that I’m completely out of my old apartment.

Just gotta keep breathing, and keep moving forward.

courage, dear heart

“Acquire a firm will and the utmost patience.” — Anandamayi Ma

It has been a most overwhelming week, which came to a head yesterday. The place I was supposed to move into next week fell through and I haven’t gotten any responses from anyone I’ve emailed, which means there is a very real possibility I will have nowhere in the city to live in a few days. The stress from that triggered a Crohn’s flare up so I stayed home from work, when I heard back about the positions I interviewed for before Christmas… and I was not offered either.

I cried for a while, feeling helpless, and then I sat in legs-up-the-wall pose for a long time, trying to focus on my breath, calm down, and come up with a plan. Clearly if it didn’t happen, it wasn’t meant to be. So where do I go from here? I wondered, do things ever just fall apart and not come back together somehow?

I think back over my life and I am not inclined to believe so. My life has fallen apart many times over, but somehow I’ve always gotten through and ended up in a better position than I had been in before. So why am I so afraid? Maybe I will sit with that question tonight.

I decided to take action today and reached out to someone I met at a networking event a while back, who offered to help if I ever need it. I have a couple of housing options, but neither is in the city, or even within a decent commuting distance. My boss is right now considering whether she will allow me to temporarily work remotely, at least part of the time. I arranged a storage unit for all of my stuff and tonight I will continue packing.

Things will work out, they always do.

Monday optimism

 

Trying to stay optimistic today! For starters, it’s raining. I’m not a big fan of the rain, but I’m really grateful we are getting some. Maybe it won’t end the drought, but it certainly isn’t going to hurt.

I haven’t heard back from either job, but I also haven’t been rejected. So, still in limbo. However, I’m trying to make the best of limbo, and be prepared for any outcome. I’m looking at an apartment here in the city tomorrow that I think would be a good place to live for a little while if I need to. I figure I shouldn’t just assume anything.

And my friend keeps telling me to come stay with her for a while if/when I do get offered a job. Her house is way too far away for that to be feasible for more than a day or two, but it’s really sweet of her to offer 🙂 I’ve also found a couple of short-term places that might work in a pinch if I needed one.

Ok, universe, I trust you. Good things are a-brewin’. I know it.

My plan after work:

• Pick up moving boxes/supplies
• Grocery shopping
• Yoga
• Pack all my books
• Skype/green juice (instead of wine!) date with a friend

 

Post-holiday quiet

It is nice to have a quiet Sunday morning now that the hubbub of the holidays is over. While this was the first truly wonderful holiday season I’ve had in years, it was also exhausting. I’m giving myself the rest of the weekend to relax, since January is shaping up to be anything but restful. Today’s plan: ferry building lunch with some family who is flying out tomorrow, yoga, laundry, head to bed early.

I’m a little nervous for the upcoming week, but I’m doing my best to stay positive and breathe through the anxiety. Whatever happens with the two jobs I’m waiting to hear from, I need to be out of my current apartment by the 15th. If I am offered and accept one of those positions, I’d move straight down there from here. If not, I need to find another place in the city, which is actually a MORE stressful thought to me than moving halfway across the state. I’ve decided to take a little break from drinking until it’s all sorted out (and also I think my body could use a break after all the wine I had over the holidays). Instead I will focus on getting enough sleep and drinking enough water. I want to be as clear-headed as possible when taking on whatever is coming next. Wherever I end up, I trust that my life is moving in a positive direction.

you are here

Good morning, 2016! You are going to be a great year full of positive change.

Looking back on 2015 as the year came to a close, I found myself feeling overwhelmingly stagnant. I did not feel like I made any progress in life at all. This isn’t exactly true, as I did spend the bulk of the year determining what exactly is important to me and getting rid of stuff that wasn’t (including a highly toxic romantic relationship– I feel eleventy billion times better about everything after almost a year of being free of that!!), and now I feel like I am standing on solid ground and my life has a good foundation to move in a good direction.

So here I am–31, single, in my tiny studio in San Francisco. Certainly if you’d asked me 10 years ago where I saw myself at 31, this wouldn’t be it. But life is pretty good, even though (or possibly because) it hasn’t gone according to plan (if I ever did have one of those).

I decided to start this blog because I want 2016 to be different. And it already is, because I have a blog now. I want this to be a space of reflection and positive thoughts.

Some things I’d like to work on in 2016:

• finding more happiness and feeling successful in my professional life.
• getting better quality sleep, and more of it!
• practicing yoga and meditating more frequently–I’m really good at doing this for a few weeks, then not doing it for a few weeks, and turning that into a cycle. I’d like to be better about consistency.
• replacing ALL of my personal care products with less toxic versions, which at this point really just means replacing my makeup.
• feeling more financially stable, which has been difficult in the city. Ideally I’d like to leave this city before the year is done.
• dating. Getting back out there has been rough for sure, but I choose to believe that there is a wonderful guy out there for me.

 

I had had two job interviews right before Christmas that I will hopefully hear back about next week. They are both in Southern California and I’d be so happy to move back down there, and one of them is basically my dream job so I really, really hope they offer it to me. My parents would probably be sad to see me move away again, but what I do for work is really only available in larger cities, and I’ve realized that I don’t want to live in this one long-term. These two jobs are in the same city where I went to college and where I lived for a long time (and still have many friends), and thought of moving back there feels like moving home.

Whatever happens, I want to approach it with love and gratitude. Let’s have a great year, everyone!

P.S. I found that picture on Pinterest and the link didn’t go anywhere. If it is yours please let me know!! 🙂